Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
