U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
is that a dick in a sweater?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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