Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
