If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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