Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
