Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
