I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
