Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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