I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
