Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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