Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
