Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
