I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
