Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
