I cockslap morals
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
