its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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