So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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