How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
someone owes me an orgasm
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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