btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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