Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
