I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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