I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
