you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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