It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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