Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
