I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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