So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
