I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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