Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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