Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
