I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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