Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
