Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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