Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
