I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She bit a glass in half.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
