I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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