Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
