ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
