I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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