you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.