Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I want to make a zoo with you.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.