I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
