She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just wanna be euthanized
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.