I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
