All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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