Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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