my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
