He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
