This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
