you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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