i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
