woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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