Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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