Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
