I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
