gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
