my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
