What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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