So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
