There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
