can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
