when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
soo... how was my night?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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