I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
