I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
