well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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