Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
