i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
