i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
