I must be too annoying 4 u.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
