I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
