My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
