I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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