when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
