I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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