The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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