please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
