One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
